My Immortal Fanfic (Commentary With Friends)
by LoveDarkness1
Summary: A commentary of My Immortal with a few of my friends! Rated M because of the language used both by ms. Tara Gillesbie and us, also for her frankly ridiculous sex scenes. Anyways... enjoy! Or not. Your choice. Featuring OOC canon characters, over-the-top bad writing and a lot of serious issues taken not-so-seriously (wrist-slitting, sexual assault- all on Tara's part here).


**Brief Authors' Note:**

 **So it's myself, Olive and Kennedy and we are going to brave the writing horror My Immortal together.**

 **Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN THIS FIC! Nor do any of us (especially, thank god, Tara Gillesbie, the owner of this fic) own Harry Potter.**

 **I'm writing in** ** _Italic_** **and my notes will be in between these** ** _(_)_**

 **Olive: I'm writing in Bold** **and my notes will be in between these {_}**

 **Kennedy: I'm writing in** **Underlined** **and my notes will be in between these** **[_]**

 **Flamers of Tara, please address your flaming to her. I don't care whether you comment it on this story or not but just say something like 'Dear Tara' first.**

 **Flamers of us, go ahead! I really don't care what you say.**

 **Olive: Me neither, really. It's not like I haven't had ruder things said to my face, so over a screen you can bring it on.**

 **Kennedy: Agreed.**

 **Shall we, then?**

 **Olive: But first, a disclaimer for our readers' mental and physical health: We are not responsible for any of the following possible conditions that may result from reading My Immortal. Tara is:**

 **Repeated headdesking, facepalming or other physical self-harming expression of disgust**

 **Severe irritability, twitching, loss of writing or reading ability, brain cell/function impairment, (for grammar nazis) a deep personal need to correct this story, a hatred of Tara, etc…**

 **Read at your own risk. Thank you!**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik _(yes, we do get it but no, it's not funny)_ ) 2 my gf (ew not in that way **{What, exactly, is eww about it? EXCUSE ME?}** ) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing [How to tell someone is NOT, in fact, 'deprzzd': They write stupid shit like this} life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [*Sighs*...Here we go…]

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **{Why the apostrophe? WHY THE APOSTROPHE?}** Dementia _(that's a disease. You named yourself after a serious disease. Wow.)_ Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks [You were born that way? Really? Hmm… doubt it] and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee _(I doubt that)_ (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! **{Was this really a necessary author's note? No, I don't think it was.}** ). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie [So, I see you'd fuck your relatives if they were attractive. Odd. Odd thing to do]. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England _(scotland. It's in Scotland)_ **{Sorry to tell you sweetheart but you may need a geography lesson}** [I'm not even kidding I didn't think it could get much worse until I read that sentence] where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) _(we're not going to find out anything from before seventh year? How she got her Hogwarts letter? How her parents reacted? Good God, this story is garbage)_. I'm a goth [Oh, no shit.](in case you couldn't tell) **{Really? I thought you were a bright little ray of sunshine! Thanks for clearing this up!}** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there _(someone tell me right the f*ck now if there are Hot Topics in England/Scotland! I don't think there are but that would be so cool.)_ [I don't know, but don't Hogwarts students wear a uniform? How are you wearing clothes from Hot Topic if… oh fuck it. Nevermind]. For example **{For example? No one can tell these clothes are from Hot Topic unless they've been there. This doesn't prove your previous statement correct, nor did you need to in the first place. You should just start that sentence with 'today'}** today I was wearing a black corset [WHY would you willingly wear a CORSET?!]with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation _(but your skin is white. Why would you be wearing white foundation if your skin is white?)_ , black eyeliner and red eye shadow **{So in other words, you looked really stupid. Got it.}**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining [That's called sleet.]so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me _(What do you think 'preps' means? I know what it actually means, I'm not an idiot, but you seem to think it's just anyone who doesn't like your admittedly questionable style)_. I put up my middle finger at them [You know, like you do.] **{What did they do when they saw you do that? More details! I NEED MORE STUPID SHIT TO LAUGH AT YOU FOR!}**.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice _(really? I thought that a smell shouted that at you.)_. I looked up. It was… _(wait for it… wait for it)_ … **{The suspense! It's killing me! OH MY GOD!}** …[*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*]… Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly _(how to tell that this writer is an idiot: Draco says something 'shyly')_ **{There is no way Draco said that. Someone is in disguise AS Draco or something.}**.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

 **{But that conversation was just so scintillating! How could you leave it? The details! I could practically visualize being there and listening to more of Draco's shy flirtations with Ebony!}** [Calm the fuck down. I get it, she doesn't put much detail into her work. But seriously, enough of that!]

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